speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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