The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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