Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize