Soap is not a condiment
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
