Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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