he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
