is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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