Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
