I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
