We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
