I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize