i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
