Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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