remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
