Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize