Someone shit on the floor
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize