Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
