3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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