OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
