you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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