i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
