loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
