the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
