Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
