4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
