So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize