the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
