i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
