Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
