So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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