You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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