When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
