These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
