I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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