and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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