Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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