I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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