can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
