is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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