put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
