fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize