did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
