I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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