Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
