Old men and throwing up are my life now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
