I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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