I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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