Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
