I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
