I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize