i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
