Is it normal to miss your booty call?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize