guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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