I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
