nutella sex= disaster
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
