lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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