Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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