So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
