We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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