Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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