sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When are your genitals available?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize