bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
