took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
MIDGETS
????
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
