McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize