Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
