Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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