why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
