i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
